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Summerset: "You are, once again, quite late."

Eve: "Yeah? And you are, once again, really ugly. Difference is, tomorrow I might be on time."


Insults from other books[]

Find Nora's comments on the relationship between Eve and Summerset here.

Naked in Death[]

Eve: "Why don't you pull the stick out of your ass and tell me why you act like I'm some sort of rodent whenever I show up"
Summerset: "I am not comfortable with crude manners, Lieutenant Dallas. Obviously, you are."
Eve: "They fit me like old slippers."
Summerset: "Indeed. Roarke is a man of taste, of style, of influence. He has the ear of presidents and kings. He has escorted women of unimpeachable breeding and pedigree."
Eve: "And I've got lousy breeding and no pedigree. It seems even a man like Roarke can find the occasional mongrel appealing. Tell him I took the cat."[1]

Glory in Death[]

Summerset: "Lieutenant, it's one twenty in the morning."
Eve: "I know what time it is. Let's understand each other, pal. I hate you, you hate me, The difference is I have a badge. Now get the hell out of my way or I'll haul your bony ass in for obstructing an officer."[2]

Immortal in Death[]

Summerset: "Lieutenant, your vehicle is unsightly."
Eve: "Hey, it's city property. You don't want it there, move it yourself... Company?"
Summerset: "Indeed. I suggest you bathe and change before meeting your guests."
Eve: "I suggest you kiss my ass."[3]

Summerset: "I had believed, though you have countless flaws, you were, at least, a competent investigator. I see now, you are not, any more than you are a competent friend to one who depended on you."
Eve: "You really think after what I've been through tonight that you can say anything to touch me?"
Summerset: "I don't believe anything touches you, Lieutenant. You're without loyalty and that makes you nothing. Less than nothing."[4]

Vengeance in Death[]

Eve: “Your personal routine is going to include group showers where even your bony ass will get plenty of attention if you don't start listening to me.”
Summerset: “I don't appreciate your crudeness.”
Eve: “And I don't appreciate your bitchiness, but we're both stuck.”[5]

Eve: "Put him on, you skinny, frog-faced son of a bitch. Now."[6]

Holiday in Death[]

Summerset: "... You were expected twenty minutes ago."
Eve: "Kiss my ass"
Summerset: "The prospect holds no appeal for me. One moment of your time, however, Lieutenant."
Eve: "Life's too short to spend a moment with you. Out of the way or I'll take you out."[7]

Loyalty in Death[]

Summerset: "I trust you intend to change into something more appropriate before dinner this evening."
Eve: "I trust you'll continue to be an asshole for the rest of your life."[8]

Summerset: "[Roarke] is engaged on another call at the moment."
Eve: "This is police business, you cross-eyed putz. Put me through."[9]

Witness in Death[]

Summerset: "Lieutenant. You surprise me, You've arrived home in a timely fashion."
Eve: "Don't you have anything better to do than to clock me in and out of the house? You could be out scaring small children."[10]

Judgment in Death[]

Eve: "[Flowers] for me? Gee, you shouldn't have, If you don't try harder to control your passion for me, Roarke's going to fire your bony ass and make my life complete."
Summerset: "Your humor eludes me as usual."[11]

Seduction in Death[]

Summerset: “Lieutenant. You left the premises in the middle of the night and failed to inform me of your schedule or your expected return.”
Eve: “Gee, Dad, am I grounded?”
Summerset: "Informing me of your comings and goings is a basic courtesy, which naturally you're incapable of understanding."
Eve: "Ice. We understand each other."[12]

Summerset: “Do you have any pain?”
Eve: “Yeah, in my ass. I call it Summerset.”
Summerset: "I see your droll wit hasn't suffered."[13]

Reunion in Death[]

Summerset: “That Chippendale is a coffee table, Lieutenant, not a footstool.”
Eve: “How do you walk with that stick up your ass? Does it hurt, or does it give you a nice little rush?”[14]

Portrait in Death[]

Eve: "If you're able to walk on those ugly sticks you call legs, why are you still in my universe?"
Summerset: "I will be leaving on my postponed holiday in the morning. Meanwhile, you're making a puddle on the floor."
Eve: "Meanwhile you're making a buzzing in my ears."[15]

Imitation in Death[]

Summerset: “You are, as usual, late.”
Eve: “How'd you get through airport security with that steel pike up your ass?”[16]

Divided in Death[]

Summerset: “I see you've managed to destroy several more articles of clothing.”
Eve: “Yeah, I thought I'd rip and burn them while wearing them, just to see what happened.”
Summerset: “I assume your vehicle suffered similarly as it's not in evidence.”
Eve: “It's trash. But then, it always was.”
Summerset: “For God's sake, Lieutenant, take the elevator. And you may as well take something voluntarily for the pain before you have to be humiliated into it.”
Eve: “I'm walking it off so I don't stiffen up and start to look like you.”[17]

Visions in Death[]

Summerset: You're earlier than expected, and appear to have gotten through the day without destroying any article of clothing. I must note this event down on my calendar."
Eve: "Bitch when I'm late, bitch when I'm early. You could go pro on the bitching circuit."[18]

Summerset: "Your current offensive mode of transportation has not been properly garaged."
Eve: "Your current offensive face hasn't been beaten to a pulp by my fists either. Mark that on your calendar, Creepshow."[18]

Eve: "I'm late," she snapped before Summerset could speak. "But here's the thing, I'm not always late, but you're always ugly. Who's got the real problem?"[19]

Survivor in Death[]

Summerset: "I see you've decided to make an appearance"
Eve: "Yeah. And for my next act I'll boot your ugly ass out of my way."[20]

Summerset: "... It's visibly apparent that you're giving this considerable time and effort as you have circles under your eyes and your disposition is even more disagreeable than usual due to your lack of proper rest and nutrition."
Eve: "Bite me"
Summerset: "And your clever repartee suffers as a result."
Eve: "How's this for clever repartee?" She jabbed her middle finger in the air.
Summerset: "Typical."[21]

Memory in Death[]

Summerset: "I find myself surprised," he said in what she figured he considered droll tones. "You're out for several hours, yet you return - dare I say - almost fashionably dressed, with nothing torn or bloodied. A remarkable feat."
Eve: "I find myself surprised that no one's bothered to beat you into a pulpy mass just on the general principle of your ugliness. But the day's young yet, for both of us."[22]

Eve: "Figured what to get you for Christmas. A brand new shiny stick for you to shove up your ass. The one you've had up there the past couple decades must be showing some wear."[23]

Summerset: "Roarke is in his office, attending to some of your business."
Eve: "Nobody held a stunner to his throat, ... Which is what I dream of doing to you, night after night."[24]

Born in Death[]

Summerset: "Do you require change-of-address forms?"
Eve: "Can't you find another place to haunt? I hear there's one available down on East Twelfth"
Summerset: "I assumed as you no longer appear to live here, you'd need the proper forms.
Eve: "Yeah, get those forms, I'll fill them out. How many M's in Summerset, anyway?"[25]

Summerset: "I didn't realize you were taking a few days off"
Eve: "What are you talking about?"
Summerset: "As you've returned home unbloodied, without any of your clothing torn, I assume you've spent the day in some leisurely pursuit."
Eve: "Day's not over yet. I could end it pursuing your bony ass, but you'd be the one bloodied and torn."[26]

Summerset: “In the future I’d appreciate it if you’d inform me of any deliveries.”
Eve: “In the future I’d appreciate it if you’d wear a hood over your face before you come on my ‘link screen”[27]

Innocent in Death[]

Summerset: "I've brought that unfortunate vehicle you've yet to wreck around in anticipation of your departure. I hope you won't leave it soiling the front of the house much longer."
Eve: "Kiss my ass, scarecrow."
Summerset: "There." He smiled at her. "We're back to normal."[28]

Strangers in Death[]

"Lieutenant" he (Summerset) said in a tone that scraped along the back of her neck like nails over a blackboard. "You're late, as usual."
Eve: "You're ugly, as usual. But I've learned to make allowances." [29]

Eve: "I haven't got time for you, Flat Ass"
Summerset: "Or little else, apparently, as you arrive late. Again. And have used your face as a punching bag. Again."
Eve: "That was yesterday. I offered yours, but they judged it too high on the ugly scale."[30]

Eternity in Death[]

Summerset: "Will you be having dinner in the dining room like normal human beings this evening?"
Eve: "Got work, and nobody who looks like you should toss around words like normal."[31]

Salvation in Death[]

Eve: "Kiss my unenhanced ass, or I'll plant my visibly shod foot up yours."[32]

Summerset: "I assume the city has been cleared of all crime as you're only an hour late and appear to be unbloodied."
Eve: "Yeah, we're renaming it Utopia... Next stage is to get rid of all the assholes. You should get a head start and pack your bags."[33]

Kindred in Death[]

Summerset: "I was under the assumption you were off duty until tomorrow."
Eve: "There's a dead body, which unfortunately isn't yours."[34]

When she [Eve] walked into the house, she gave Summerset one brief glance.
Eve: "Why don't you just outfit a droid in one of the funeral director suits and have it lurk in the foyer? It'd be livelier."
Summerset: "Then I would miss your daily attempts at wit."
Eve: "I only need to attempt as the target comes in at half." She bounded up the steps, pleased. Half-wit, she thought. Pretty good one.[35]

When Eve walked in with a black eye.
Summerset: "I see you've had your monthly facial, Lieutenant."
Eve: "Trina will be here tomorrow. Maybe she can decorpse yours."
Eve scowled her way up the steps "Damn it, that was weak. His was better. His was good. Just one more thing to be pissed about."[36]

Indulgence in Death[]

...Summerset materialized in the foyer like fog over a headstone. Bony in black, with the fat cat at his feet, he gave Eve the beady eye.
Summerset: “Your first day back and you manage to come home without dripping blood on the floor. Shall I open champagne to commemorate?”
Eve: “Skip it, because I think about dripping blood on the floor. But it’s always yours.”[37]

Summerset: "Have you been brawling again? Or is this some kind of fashion statement?"
Eve: "Neither. I lost a bet and had to get your name tattooed on my arm. So I carved it out with a penknife."[38]

Treachery in Death[]

(Eve) began to turn them over even as she walked into the house, into the cool, into the beady stares of Summerset and the cat.
Summerset: “Have I missed a national holiday? There must be celebrations in the streets for you to be home at this hour of the day.”
Eve: “I’m calling it Summerset Goes Mute Day. The city’s gone mad with joy.”[39]

(Eve) angled for the steps, stopped. “I’ve got a team coming in for a briefing.”
Summerset: “So I’m informed. You’ll be serving pulled pork barbecue, a cold pasta salad, fresh tomatoes with mozzarella, and green beans almondine [sic].”
Eve: “Oh.”
Summerset: “Followed by peach pie à la mode and a selection of petit fours.”
Eve: “We’ll never get rid of them.”[40]

New York to Dallas[]

Summerset: “I find I can still be shocked. You're home nearly on time, and unbloodied.”
Eve: "Day's not over yet. You know I thought I saw a dead man walking a couple of hours ago [at the medal ceremony for the events in Treachery]. Did you have to go downtown for some eye of newt?”
Summerset: “I have no idea what you're talking about. I prefer doing my shopping uptown.”
Eve: “Must've been another corpse.”[41]

Chaos in Death[]

Summerset (to Eve and Roarke): “A monumental day. Home together, in a timely fashion, and unbloodied. Applause”
Eve (to Roarke): "If he actually applauded, the bones in his skeletal hand would break and crumble to dust."
Roarke: “The two of you really need to stop this love affair. I'm a jealous man. We'll get dinner in the lieutenant's office.”
Summerset: “I'm shocked beyond speech”
Eve: “If only.”[42]

Celebrity in Death[]

Summerset: “I see you were unable to formulate an excuse to miss tonight's festivities.”
Eve: "There's still time for murder. It could even be here and now.”[43]

Eve: “Halloween's weeks off yet, but I see you've got your costume. It's good to be prepared.”
Summerset: "I have a box of your clothes that came with you into the household and haven't been used as rags as yet. In the event you want to trick-or-treat as a sidewalk sleeper.”
Roarke: “A predictable home is a comfort to a man.”[44]

Calculated in Death[]

Summerset: “If the cat had dragged anything in, it would be you.”
Eve: "Only because he'd have figured you weren't worth the effort.”[45]

Thankless in Death[]

Summerset: “Ah, you did remember where you live.”
Eve: "I keep hoping you'll forget.”[46]

Concealed in Death[]

Eve (upon arriving home to the house decorated for Christmas): "Where are the elves?"
Roarke: "Gone for the day, I expect. They'll be back tomorrow to do the exterior."
Summerset: "You might have seen some of them if you'd arrived home in anywhere near a timely fashion"
Eve: "We've been out sledding and drinking brandy and discussing what not to get you for Christmas. Nothing but fun for us."
Summerset: "Yet all that fun has done little to improve your mood or manners."
Roarke: "Ah, the warmth of homecomings. Always such a pleasure."[47]

Obsession in Death[]

Summerset: “Ah, you remembered your home address.”
Eve: "I thought if I stalled long enough, you'd crawl back in your coffin. No luck there.”[48]

Eve: “Until I say different, you don't open the door to any delivery person. You don't open the gates unless you're expecting said delivery and verify the identification of the delivery company and the individual or individuals making the delivery.”
Summerset: "May I ask why?”
Eve: "Because I don't want to actually bury that coffin I suspect you sleep in.”[48]

Summerset: “Should I assume an impending apocalypse as you're home early and show no sign of injury?”
Eve: "Should I assume you have a pulse as the cadaver I just visited shows more signs of life than you?”[49]

Eve: “Mix up your routine. Your out-of-the house routine. The shopping, the visiting gravesites, haunting houses with the other ghouls - whatever it is you do.”
Summerset: "I have a scheduled haunting tonight, but it can be postponed.”[49]

Devoted in Death[]

Summerset: “A completed first day back with no apparent injury or damage. How long can it last?”
Eve: "It could end right now if I decide to kick that stick you're so fond of any farther up your ass.”
Summerset: "And the day wouldn't be complete without such an observation.”[50]

Echoes in Death[]

Eve: “Where were you on the night of November 28?”
Summerset: "I'll have to check my calendar.”
Eve: "Never mind. That asshole needed makeup to pull off the ghoul. You're a natural.”[51]

Summerset: “Early and together.”
Roarke: "I expect the city will be shut down in another hour or two. You shouldn't plan to go anywhere.”
Summerset: “I don't. I'd hope the two of you will also do the sensible thing and stay inside.”
Eve: "Easier to reschedule a ghoul party than a murder investigation. Don't go outside. It's cold, windy, and slick.”
Roarke (to Eve): "Was that actually a concerned directive?”
Eve (to Roarke): "Sure. His bony ass slips in the snow, we've got to deal with it. It gets buried in the snow, I've got an unattended death to wade through. Just trying to avoid the mess.”[52]

Leverage in Death[]

Summerset: “Has there been an alien invasion? Perhaps a zombie apocalypse?”
Eve: "We've got the zombie right here.”[53]

Summerset: “You're quite late tonight. Nothing lasts forever, I suppose.”
Eve: "You've lasted. Gotta be two or three hundred years by now.”[54]

Connections in Death[]

Summerset: “Neither late nor bleeding. One expects a tympani.”
Eve: "Did you go out in this [wind] today?”
Summerset: "I had marketing.”
Eve: "That explains the reports of a flying skeleton.”[55]

Summerset: “No visible injuries once again. We appear to be on a streak.”
Eve (to Roarke, continuing her list of ways to make a cheater pay): "For him I have the stick up his ass surgically removed, and without it, his whole body collapses into a puddle of ghoul. You'll be too busy with festering boils to have him reanimated.”
Roarke (to Summerset): "Don't ask.”[56]

Golden in Death[]

Summerset: “I'd say look what the cat dragged in, but he's been here all day.”[57]

Shadows in Death[]

Eve: "No weird attempts at communication, no attempted deliveries?"
Summerset: "No. [Lorcan Cobbe] son't come at Roarke here."
Eve: "No, but he might try for you."
Summerset: "He'd be considerably disappointed."
Eve: "Watch your bony six anyway. You can always yank the stick out of your ass for an extra weapon."[58]

Faithless in Death[]

Summerset: “As you're both late, but unbloodied, I assume you toured Mavis's new home.”
Eve, to Roarke: "He gets to know? Bag of bones gets to know, but I don't?”
Summerset: "No one's approval matters as yours does. I assume you didn't disappoint her.”
Roarke (to Summerset): "Not only didn't Eve disappoint Mavis, she found exactly the right tone and right words to convince Peabpdy and McNab to take the rental.”
Summerset: "That's a fine thing for all of them. Well done, Lieutenant.”
Eve: "You'd be right at home there, skulking around the haunted wallpaper, baking in the kitchen from hell."
Summerset: "Interesting. There's devil's food cake - but I didn't bake it in the kitchen from hell.”[59]

Abandoned in Death[]

Summerset: “Barely late and together... Thoughts [on Mavis's house progress], Lieutenant?”
Eve: "On the house? It's better without the scary wallpaper and nightmare kitchen.”
Summerset: "A point of agreement. I'll mark the calendar.”[60]

Desperation in Death[]

Summerset: “The Miras will arrive at seven-thirty. That should give you enough time to make yourself presentable.”
Eve: "Do all those suits come with the stick up your ass, or do you just interchange it?”[61]

Payback in Death[]

Eve: “Murder has no sense of timing. So, you should watch your step.”[62]

Footnotes[]

  1. Naked in Death, Chapter 19
  2. Glory in Death, Chapter 13
  3. Immortal in Death, Chapter 3
  4. Immortal in Death, Chapter 7
  5. Vengeance in Death, Chapter 9
  6. Vengeance in Death, Chapter 14
  7. Holiday in Death, Chapter 14
  8. Loyalty in Death, Chapter 8
  9. Loyalty in Death, Chapter 17
  10. Witness in Death, Chapter 5
  11. Judgment in Death, Chapter 6
  12. Seduction in Death, Chapter 4
  13. Seduction in Death, Chapter 18
  14. Reunion in Death, Chapter 2
  15. Portrait in Death, Chapter 20
  16. Imitation in Death, Chapter 20
  17. Divided in Death, Chapter 17
  18. 18.0 18.1 Visions in Death, Chapter 5
  19. Visions in Death, Chapter 14
  20. Survivor in Death, Chapter 16
  21. Survivor in Death, Chapter 16
  22. Memory in Death (ISBN 978-0-7499-3685-3), p. 98
  23. Memory in Death (ISBN 978-0-7499-3685-3), p. 110
  24. Memory in Death, Chapter 12
  25. Born in Death, Chapter 5
  26. Born in Death (ISBN 0-7499-3680-0), p. 89
  27. Born in Death (ISBN 978-0-7499-3715-7), p. 127
  28. Innocent in Death (ISBN 978-0-7499-3807-9), p. 264
  29. Strangers in Death (ISBN 978-0-7499-3883-3), p. 54
  30. Strangers in Death (ISBN 978-0-7499-3883-3), p. 193
  31. Eternity in Death, Chapter 5
  32. Salvation in Death (ISBN 978-0-425-22693-3), p. 99
  33. Salvation in Death (ISBN 0-399-15522-8), p. 269
  34. Kindred in Death (ISBN 978-0-399-15595-6), p. 11
  35. Kindred in Death (ISBN 978-0-399-15595-6), p. 197
  36. Kindred in Death (ISBN 978-0-399-15595-6), p. 331
  37. Indulgence in Death, Chapter 6
  38. Indulgence in Death, Chapter 11
  39. Treachery in Death Chapter 9
  40. Treachery in Death, pp. 135-136
  41. New York to Dallas, Chapter 2
  42. Chaos in Death, Chapter 7
  43. Celebrity in Death, Chapter 2
  44. Celebrity in Death, Chapter 12
  45. Calculated in Death, Chapter 6
  46. Thankless in Death, Chapter 16
  47. Concealed in Death, Chapter 7
  48. 48.0 48.1 Obsession in Death, Chapter 4
  49. 49.0 49.1 Obsession in Death, Chapter 11
  50. Devoted in Death, Chapter 6
  51. Echoes in Death, Chapter 7
  52. Echoes in Death, Chapter 12
  53. Leverage in Death, Chapter 12
  54. Leverage in Death, Chapter 16
  55. Connections in Death, Chapter 3
  56. Connections in Death, Chapter 12
  57. Golden in Death, Chapter 13
  58. Shadows in Death, Chapter 18
  59. Faithless in Death, Chapter 7
  60. Abandoned in Death, Chapter 6
  61. Desperation in Death, Chapter 5
  62. Payback in Death, Chapter 10
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